5 Reasons Why You Should Post A Free Classified Ad

By Stupidman
Posted Saturday, August 7, 2004

I don't think it takes anybody very long to find out there is an inner circle within the internet. The inner circle is like an exclusive club, the members refer to each other as internet gurus. Nobody ever says, "I am an internet guru." But they always point at each other and say, "He is an internet guru." (I've not noticed any female gurus or guras for that matter. But then I have not been doing this for very long.) I've tried to join but I have not been able to find their organization. I've searched through Google but maybe I'm not using the right keywords, though as often as they say it the organization should be ranked # 1 using guru as the keyword.

To remain a "guru in good standing" you must be kind, generous and willing to share one or more internet secrets with the general public. It's okay to collect a fee for sharing the secret, after all, think about how much money they're giving up when they let everybody in on the secret.

Even when I have paid for a secret I don't always understand it. That is one of the reasons I am Stupidman. I've tried to become a guru. I even ran an ad, "I have a secret, pay me!" Nobody did.

But because I really want to be an internet guru I've developed a plan. I am going to tell you a secret for free. Then, you will say, "Stupidman is a guru trainee." Then, the next time I run an ad, "I have a secret, pay me!!", you will.

You're reading this because of the catchy title, 5 Reasons Why You Should Post A Free Classified Ad. To get the ball rolling I'm going to share a "bonus" secret. THE CONTENT OF THE AD DOES NOT MATTER. What? Why? Second "bonus" secret: NOBODY READS THEM. You can post, "Spam Me" or "I have a virus that I want to infect you with" or "I am a serial killer, let's get acquainted". Content does not matter. You will get responses that completely ignore your content.

Reason # 1: Eliminate Loneliness
If you are sad or melancholy the responses you get will cheer you up. Imagine dozens or even hundreds of happy, enthusiastic people contacting you to share their "secrets" and invite you, a complete stranger, to join them on the road to happiness and great wealth. Your new friends will embrace and urge you to join organizations already loaded (yet still rapidly growing) with more happy, successful people or they might even (because they really like you) invite you to join a "ground floor opportunity". This will allow you to share your good fortune with your friends, family and, if you are a true believer, lonely, complete strangers as you once were. The method by which your new friends initially contacted you (which will also be one of the methods they will suggest you use when you contact complete strangers) is called UNSOLICITED BULK EMAIL. This is not SPAM. Spam is something else. Your new friends will explain this to you at the bottom of every letter they send you. They will carefully explain that Senate Bill 1618 and/or House Bill 3113 say that if you have an unsubscribe link (working or not) then it is not Spam. Do not be troubled by the fact that neither bill was signed into law. (This relies upon the long established legal position that if anybody in Congress intended it to be law then it must be ok.) If you decide to check the unsubscribe link to see if it is working and discover it isn't do not lose faith in your new friends. I GUARANTEE the other links function properly.

Reason # 2: Read Email With Lots of Zeros and Exclamatory Punctuation
This is one of the best parts. Reading all of the highlighted, italicized, underscored zeros. 000's for part time, 0000's for full time (monthly or weekly, doesn't matter). Talk about exclamation points! Just about every sentence will have one, sometimes three or four together. Who wouldn't be excited. Doesn't it make your heart race just thinking about it? To add to the excitement, many of the opportunities will have hard and fast deadlines. "We can only take 4 more success oriented people in this program." "Offer expires in twenty minutes." "Bonuses if you enroll by midnight tonight. Clearly you must respond quickly or the opportunity will be lost forever. You must be especially alert for the "gifting" program. This is a wonderful opportunity where you can profit to the tune of tens of thousands of dollars within a couple of weeks. Merely send some money electronically to the person at the top of the list, write your name at the bottom and send the whole thing to people you want to become rich. If you are an extremely kind person you can use the UNSOLICITED BULK EMAIL technique and make everybody in the world rich. The explanatory material in the "gifting" program will put your mind at ease. It's not a chain letter because it's not a letter, it's email. It's not postal fraud because it does not go through the U.S. Mail. It's not taxable or tax fraud because each gift is less than $10,000 and it's not a Ponzi scheme because Mr. Ponzi died a long time ago. The generosity extended to you by your new friends should be reciprocated by you. Before you begin responding to the many offers you should add a signature file to your email client. If you go to (www.stupidman.ProAutoResponder.com) you can sign up and/or become an affiliate of a very professional, multi featured autoresponder with a three tier affiliate program. Your new friends will be very impressed and by adding your affiliate URL and something like "Get Rich With 3 Tier Affiliate Program" as part of your signature you will be sharing something of great value with them and if even just one of these masters of unsolicited bulk email takes your advice you could have an exciting residual income as a result of the third tier.

Reason # 3: Eliminate Excess Leisure Time
It's a burden to have nothing to do. It's hard to get up in the morning, the day passes slowly, the mind becomes dull. But no more!!! Jump out of bed, check the email, read dozens of letters. Your satisfaction will only be enhanced if you remember to leave "Cookies On" and "JavaScript Enabled". This will make it much easier for your new friends to find you and to introduce you to some of their other friends. Life has purpose. No more moping around the house waiting for the phone to ring, because "You've got mail". If you don't have a second line,cable or DSL your callers can't reach you. All of a sudden you've become unattainable, which enhances your desirability in many ways. When they finally get through you become the person who terminates the call as you must attend to the new friends you've met on the 'net. Your earth bound friends will realize you have become cool. They will fawn for your favor. They'll buy you lunch, invite you to parties. You will be the center of attention. What better circumstance could you have to enlighten these friends to the wonderful opportunities you are experiencing. They will beg you to include them in your cyberworld. This will be your opportunity to rise above the accumulated resentment you harbor for all of the slights, slurs and snickering you've endured over the years. Be kind, show them the way.

Reason # 4:It's a Great Way to Lose Weight
You are so busy, you have no time to eat. So many emails to answer. So many proposals to analyze and the best deals expire at midnight tonight. Now it's time to automate. Posting classified ads manually takes time, time that could be spent enrolling in new programs. Hire a submission service to submit more ads (that won't be read) to more people (who won't read them) in order to receive more non spam that you can respond to with your 3 tier affiliate autoresponder (http://stupidman.ProAutoResponder.com) . You are GUARANTEED to lose weight especially if you are in the habit of weighing yourself with your wallet in your back pocket. Did I say 5 reasons? Well, I'm only going to tell you about 4. I still have many secrets to share besides the 5TH Reason. If you sign up for my someday newsletter at (www.stupidmanok.com) you will be the first to hear them. Funny Pictures And The Wisdom Of Stupidman
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About the Author
Stupidman
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