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Blair Bear - The Ultimate Teddy Bear.

By Malcolm James Pugh
Posted Sunday, January 2, 2005

Here we see a Brown Bear. Looks cuddly doesnt he. But that is not always what Luigi needs in his bears, and useless in cold climates.

Contrast this with Arctic Bear above, quite a large customer, but not much good in warm climates. Luigi needed a third way.

And as luck would have it, a totally new type of bear appeared. Unlike any seen before, the new BlairBear. He had apparently evolved, Darwinian like, just in the nick of time to save all mankind.

Unfortunately, after several seemingly successful years, his public mentioned he looked a lot like Arctic Bear and to cap it all he was found to have thawing snow under his nails, kept under wraps before. It was curtains for BlairBear. Its a fair cop Guv, I had a good run for my money he said.

Nevertheless he comes in useful at times on special missions for Luigi, Like here, preparing an honest level playing field, then shifting the goalposts, a classic sign of BlairBears.

And here, by day, controlling the sea, Canute like, enthralling onlookers with his seemingly awesome tricks.

Whilst by night he simply moves the beach. And leaves a little memento of what he calls his modest country residence.

He is available now should you want to set up a committee, or a seminar, or intensive investigation, or a council of war, or investigative panel, a quango, action group, listening panel, or even a full inquiry.

It takes seconds to activate these and they last months on end, and you dont have to comment on anything to do with it until it is over. He learned these skills from many years of hosting Teddy Bears Picnics in Antarctica, despite only having three bears at his disposal.

This new brown bear, the Gordon, is under testing with a view to full production in the near future. However there are teething troubles with his maths, and his propensity for taking money off smaller bears and then throwing it away, or just simply losing it and having to borrow it off bigger bears.

He also has a bit of a temper if he doesnt get his own way, and stamps on other friendly teddies. Nevertheless he looks like no teddy we have seen before doesnt he children.

So all is not lost, a contingency plan is in place, and in any event Luigi employs old clapped out bears for devious missions long after their original cover is blown.

They are especially useful if they have dubious associates.

But is there then even a FOURTH way. Rumour has it that Blair Bears female partner, DamsonBear would have you think so, and is trying to invent one in time for next Spring, in case GordonBear is not quite ready in time, or squashes too many little bears before then.

Remember, this is all fantasy land, and the bears here are all our friends.

Both ArcticBear and BlairBear are sponsored by Northern Glacier Union Co.

Blair Bear has been seen by people

Have you seen Blairbear. What was he up to today and where did you see him. Was he grinning. If you saw him, please email with his location, as there are fears for his health or that he may run away soon.


About the Author
Road Rage Rant for Blairbear Click Here View Road Rage Rants for Blairbear Click here (

deranged ex systems programmer also unhinged by an engineering background. over 40 so very old.


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